Today at 3:00 PM
At 3:00 PM I have an interview. Big O flashcards on the desk, problem archive on screen, and I'm rehearsing moves I've repeated dozens of times.
The scenario is predictable: demonstrate linked list reversal, confidently explain binary trees, smile while estimating complexities. I can do all of this.
The first internal question sounds different: when was the last time I used depth-first graph traversal in a real product task? In twenty years — never, honestly, not counting university labs.
The second question — why do I need this job. The answer is straightforward: to pay for life now and have the opportunity to build my own products later. Mobile apps are almost ready, the Godot game grows in the evenings, the transition to gamedev is a long route, but bills arrive on schedule.
While I'm running through formulas, a different system of equations spins in my head. Need to fit into a day: full-time work, startup progress, a walk, workout, therapy, time with people, and at least one night of proper sleep. The hours add up neatly and always leave a remainder.
How to squeeze work, projects, health, people into twenty-four hours and remain alive, not just functional?
Spoiler: not working out yet.
Developer's paradox: I can explain algorithm complexity down to O(n log n), but constantly forget that my own energy has a different growth function.
Playing Tetris on "nightmare" mode (officially there's no "impossible" mode, but the feeling is similar)
I'm not abandoning startups, I just stopped believing that freedom pays its own bills. The management company doesn't accept my mobile product concepts as payment for utilities.
On a napkin it all looks flawless:
- Daytime — stable work: money arrives on time and reduces background anxiety.
- Evening — own projects: mobile apps, Godot, the feeling of building something mine.
- Daily care for body and psyche — otherwise overheating.
- Time for people — not as a leftover principle.
- Sleep — the same task in the schedule as a team call.
On paper the plan is ideal. Colorful blocks appear in the calendar, and it seems the puzzle is assembled. In reality, one call, a couple of urgent bugs, a three-hour meeting — and the tower falls.
The irony is that in parallel you need to shine at interviews. Solve linked list reversal on the board, deliver distributed system architecture in fifteen minutes, recall binary search tree nuances — otherwise no offer.
I can play this game and even win. I'm just surprised every time how far interview rituals stand from actual work. It's like choosing a surgeon by the quality of paper cranes: hands work, but the correlation is questionable.
Industry paradox: we evaluate people by abstract tasks and are genuinely surprised later why teams lack empathy, systems thinking, and clear code.
Health — not an item for "when there's time," but the foundation
For fifteen years I thought health was a luxury after release. First work, then projects, then more work, and only then walks and sleep.
Reality turned out harsher. Without health everything else collapses like a house of cards — suddenly, usually when the team needs you.
Body and psyche are not a server. You can't reboot them with sudo reboot, though I tried.
What "health" includes (memo to future self)
Physical:
- Walks where you look around, not debug code in your head.
- Exercise — from pull-ups to yoga, but regularly, not "starting next Monday."
- Sleep — real seven-eight hours. Experiments with "five is enough" turn into compound debt.
Mental:
- Meditation or at least ten minutes of silence to turn off background noise.
- Therapy — it's not weakness, it's code review for the head.
- Rest without guilt. Lying and doing nothing — it's system maintenance, not laziness.
Half an hour walk — not time stolen from the startup, but an investment so the brain thinks tomorrow instead of imitating activity.
Discovery: productivity is measured not by hours at the screen, but by quality of attention. And it directly depends on body and psyche.
But how to fit this into a day where there's already eight hours of work and three hours of startups? The answer is obvious: no way, if you try to embrace everything at once. Will have to choose.
Real plan without illusions
Perfect tetris won't work out. Even with four monitors and automated daily life. So the plan now sounds honest.
What stays priority:
- Work, to have financial cushion.
- Own projects, to keep the feeling of movement.
- Health, to have enough energy.
- People, to have meaning.
Everything else — optional.
Here's what a typical evening looks like.
10:00 PM. I think: "I'll stay fifteen minutes, finish the mechanic." 10:05 PM. Girlfriend suggests watching a movie. 11:30 PM. I finish refactoring, feature still in progress, movie cancelled, guilt remains.
I chose the illusion of control over code instead of presence next to a person. And this is a choice that needs tracking.
What helps:
- Name the evening: "this is time for us" and close the laptop.
- Walks together — health + conversation, not dialogue on the run between pushes.
- Simple honesty: "I need two hours for code" is better than eternal "fifteen more minutes."
Why is this in an article about interviews?
Because it's easy to forget why work is needed at all. Work gives money. Money gives opportunity to build a startup. Startup promises freedom. But freedom for what?
If you arrive at the finish alone, the won race loses meaning. Girlfriend nearby reminds me I'm human, not a position. Fatigue, anger, doubts — part of me, and I'm loved not for lines of code.
Work gives resources, startup — experiment, health — energy. But people nearby give meaning to all this. Without them, a beautiful resume story and emptiness remain.
Reality metrics
There are numbers convenient to operate with:
But there are metrics that don't fit on a dashboard:
- Fatigue — accumulates imperceptibly, like technical debt.
- Satisfaction — born from the feeling "I'm living, not just functioning."
- Growth — measured by honesty with self, not lines of experience on LinkedIn.
- Balance — is dynamics. Today — skew towards work, tomorrow — towards people, and that's normal.
In a few hours
Now it's 11:47 AM. In three hours — interview.
They'll ask about algorithms — I'll answer. About experience — I'll tell. About "why us" — I'll say careful words about product and team, because it's part of the ritual.
And inside sounds honest: "Because I need money now to build my freedom later and not lose people nearby. This isn't betrayal of the dream, it's adult logistics."
I'm not devaluing startups. Just accepting statistics: ninety percent don't take off. Stable work gives me opportunity to experiment without fear of being without means.
P.S.
In a few hours I'll know the interview result. Regardless of the answer I'll continue to:
- Work — here or elsewhere, because support is needed.
- Do my projects — mobile apps and Godot aren't going anywhere.
- Care for health — it's the foundation of my ideas.
- Value people — because that's the meaning.
- Be honest with myself — about what I manage and what it's time to let go.
If you're a recruiter reading this — yes, I'm ready for full-time and do quality work. I just have life beyond the office. It makes me more resilient, which means more useful to the team.
If you're a developer at a similar point — you're not alone. Many play this tetris. Sometimes the piece doesn't fit, and that's normal. More important not to quit the game and remember why you entered it at all.
Update: article written in the morning before the interview. In the evening I'll add the finale — or won't, if the result turns out too personal. We'll see.
See also:
